It smells like Christmas!

It can be hard to get into the spirit of the holidays here in southern California, especially after having lived the majority of my life in places where it gets cold and snows. You know the chance that the snowball has in...well, you know where. Its got about the same amount of chance here in "Sunny San Diego". We can dream of a rainy Christmas, although that is nearly as unlikely, but there certainly will be no WHITE Christmas. (Yeah we could drive out to the mountains, but its not the same.)

BUT...Mrs. Meyer is helping make that seem like no big deal this year. No, not THAT Mrs. Meyer...the one that makes these super yummy smelling aromatherapeutic cleaning products.

I discovered the Lemon Verbena dish soap a while back and I fell in love. Now you all KNOW it has got to be good if I am in love with a cleaning product. I loved how much it smelled so much that I ran right out and bought the Lemon Verbena countertop spray.

I didn't even know they made other smells, I'd only seen the one, until on a trip to Target several weeks ago I came across this lovely little wonder...the Iowa Pine fragrance!!!!! Being an Iowa native, of course I loved that it was their pine trees that inspired this and not somewhere like, I dunno, Vermont or something (that's state name #4 in this post, in case anyone was keeping track). But what totally sold me was the heavenly pine scent, so...so...Christmas tree-ish! Its like being in a forest surrounded by snow-tipped pine trees.

I have saved it for this time of the year and finally broke it out this week. So now even it if doesn't look like Christmas outside, it definitely smells like it inside!!!

Bob Harper is an evil man

I doubt its a big surprise to anyone that, despite good intentions, I never went back to the 30 Day Shred. The thought of Jillian Michaels making me want to die was just too much and I haven't been brave enough to tough it out again. That and I've had way too many flare-ups with my back this year.

A fellow 30 Day Shred dropout (any others of you out there, its ok to admit it, we can form a support group) mentioned that she had done one of Bob's workouts and liked it much better. I searched through my Exercise TV On Demand and found Bob's CardioMax, a level 1 (whatever that means), 20 minute cardio workout. I watched it through and it didn't seem too bad. Bob seemed nice, saying things like 'If you can't do it all don't worry, just keep moving, you'll get there." The people were Biggest Loser contestants and not skinny people who you want to hate. Awesome I thought, something motivating instead of intimidating.

So yesterday I decide to go for it and do the workout. It definitely got my heart rate up and I was sweating. I felt like I had definitely worked, but not so much so that I was begging for my life before it was over. "I'm liking Bob," I was thinking.

Today...not so much. Behind the smiles and words of encouragement lies an instrument of torture. He tries to make you feel good, all the while stabbing a knife in your muscles and twisting it, over and over again. I am SORE. After only 20 minutes and thinking like it wasn't the hardest workout I'd ever done, I HURT. My gluteus has pain to the maximus. The outside of my hips from my waist to the tops of my thighs are tender. Every time I have to sit down I cringe. Climbing the stairs is near agony.

I wonder if all the Biggest Loser contestants leave the show addicted to prescription pain pills, if I hurt this much after 20 minutes, can you imagine doing it for hours, every day?

What happened to Thanksgiving?

I thought it was the holiday that came in between Halloween and Christmas. The time when decorations changed from pumpkins and bats to turkeys and cornucopias. We all think about the things we are thankful for in our lives. You remember Thanksgiving, don't you?

Go into any retail establishment however, and it seems that Christmas is already upon us. Within days, some places hours, the Halloween adornments completely disappeared. And instead of those turkeys and cornucopias...snowflakes and lighted trees. The only vague reminders of T-day are the endcaps with displays of canned pumpkin and pie crusts. I've looked and looked through several places lately, from Target to grocery stores...and hardly any hint of Thanksgiving can be found. I even saw a Starbuck's yesterday, they are no longer advertising their Pumpkin Spice Latte...its all about the Peppermint Mocha's and Gingerbread Latte's.

Thanksgiving was always one of my favorite holidays, still is even though its just our lonely little family. It doesn't get much better than great food and spending time with the people you love, even if they may drive you insane. But the whole buy, buy, buy, more, more, more mindset seems to be edging Thanksgiving out sooner and sooner each year. Its bad enough the stores start stocking Christmas decorations in August and play holiday music the day after Halloween, do they really need to abandon an entire holiday?

Gone, but not forgotten...

That is I have been gone, but you, my few and valued, readers have not been forgotten.

Not long after the last time I posted we decided that we were going to move to a house a block away. So I morphed into a being that I did not recognize and didn't particularly like...a being that cleaned and dusted and organized almost every spare minute she could. The house was clean, which was a nice change, but I was either totally exhausted or totally on edge all the time.

But I had a mission, a mission to make this move be the easiest we'd ever had (excepting the last one where I didn't have to pack or lift a thing). I'll just say, I really, really, really miss not having to pack or lift a thing!!

Of course, my life isn't as easy or as pretty as my mental fantasies, and so the move did not go as planned. Not even close. What wasn't supposed to be a huge deal, became an utterly disorganized mess. This was due to circumstances beyond my control...and in the control of my 8 year old who ran through the glass patio door at the new house. He was mostly fine (spent 3 hours in urgent care and got 5 stitches), but glass door was anything but.

It took 5 more days of hauling crap out and cleaning to get the old house in tip-top shape. Er, as tip-top as that place can be, hence the reason we moved out. It was annoying work considering the place was filthy when we moved in. But, with a new piece of glass to pay for we need every cent of our deposit back that we can get.

And now I have laundry baskets and reusable shopping bags full of random stuff laying everywhere here in our new house. I have no idea where anything is and I have to close my eyes when walking through the garage because the sheer chaos in there just about gives me hives.

So as you can see I've had very little time to sit down and think about a blog post. And really, the only things going on was cleaning and more cleaning, and I didn't want to frighten you all or make you think there was an invasion of the body snatchers around here. (HA! Like anyone would want mine!!)

I can make no promises about when I will post again, but I shall be back some day. I hope that everything will get put in its place and I can come back someday...

Do you have a business?

Then you should think about donating an item to this GREAT cause!! It will help them and it will help you, check it out!!

Miracle Diapers Holiday Fundraiser

Recipe of the week!

Not that I'll actually remember to post a recipe every week, or that I even know enough good ones to last more than a month, but its at least something to strive for.

This doesn't really have a name. C calls it "Tuscan sausage" or something like that, not really sure why. I think I got it from Jenni-O, LOL. Its really good, something we've made now and then for several years now. My kids all love it and its super easy to make...which makes it a great family meal!


1 package penne pasta (I use whole wheat)
4-5 links sweet italian turkey sausage (you could also use the spicy italian turkey sausage if you're so inclined)
sliced black olives, however many looks good to you
1 can diced tomatoes w/ italian seasonings (not drained)
1 jar alfredo sauce

Cook pasta according to directions on package, drain.
Slice sausage links into bite size pieces and cook in frying pan.
Mix pasta, sausage, black olives, tomatoes, and alfredo sauce together.

Eat!

I don't think we've ever done this, but it would go great with some garlic bread!

Yummy recipe that you have to make!

This recipe came from Kaysvillemomma's blog, I've made a couple adjustments to make it a bit healthier. It has been a HUGE HIT at our house!! I made it for the second time last night and R kept telling me that I made really good food. And if you know my son, that right there says everything!! This is a must make recipe!! So, go right now and buy the ingredients, its super good and your family will love you!!

Crock Pot Pizza

1 bag of whole wheat egg noodles
1 lb ground turkey
2 jars pizza sauce
16 oz shredded mozzarella cheese
1 can low fat/reduced sodium cream of mushroom soup
Pizza ingredients (I used black olives, mushrooms, and pepperoni...but you can use what you like, or experiment with different ingredients every time!)

Cook egg noodles according to the package.
Brown the ground turkey.
Spray slow cooker with oil/non-stick spray.
Place ingredients in the slow cooker making layers in the following order - 1/2 of the egg noodles, 1/2 the ground turkey, 1 jar pizza sauce, 1/2 can cream of mushroom soup, pepperoni, olives, mushrooms (or whatever you chose), 1/2 of shredded mozzarella.
Then repeat making a second layer.
Cook on low for 4-5 hours.
Eat and love it!

So I survived...

I made it through the interview and it, of course, wasn't nearly as stressful as I made it out to be. What it was, was weird. It was in groups, there were about 12 applicants in the room. One lady asked questions, one listened and wrote things down. They asked us all 4 questions and we went around the room anwering them. Now I know I haven't interviewed for anything in a really long time, and never for a place needing an entire store's worth of employees at once...but I've never heard of such a thing before tonight.

I'm not totally sure how they could determine which people they want to hire that way. You can't tell much about a person when they spend no more than 5 minutes talking to you, and many just repeated what others had said. I was especially confuzzled about the merits of this method after they said they had interviewed over 1,000 people and were filling 125 positions. As soon as she said that I was like, ok, thank you, I'll be leaving now.

Oh well. I'm not feeling hopeful, but I also don't feel like I bombed either. Who knows. If I am meant to get this job, I will get it. And, regardless, all was not a total loss...I got to go shopping *by myself* and got a new outfit out of the experience!!

What have I done???

I've thought about getting a job here and there in the past, usually when C is harping on me about how he's convinced we're going to end up living out of our car. But, I think deep down I never really had any intention of going out and finding one. Well, obviously I didn't since, well, I still don't have a job.

I mean, why in the world would I want to purposely add MORE work to the constant stream of crap I already have to do??? That would be insane, right? The laundry, and dishes, and bathrooms, and meals that need to be made all the time, and stuff just, everywhere, that needs to constantly be put away, vacuuming, throw in homework and school stuff for the majority of the year...and that doesn't even come close to desribing everything that encompasses a stay at home mom/maid does. Job, pfffft, I am SO not getting any stinking job!!

Well...for some reason lately I've actually been thinking about it more and more. All on my own even, not pressured by the thought of calling a cardboard box my bedroom. So I was talking to a dad at the boys baseball game yesterday. He was saying his wife was applying at a new Kohl's store that is opening up near here in the fall. And I thought...hey, yeah, I worked at Kohl's ages and years ago, I should totally go for that job!!

Somehow this morning I found myself looking up the website, printing out an application, and setting a time for an interview...EEEEEK!!!

And as soon as I hit the confirm button I thought...WHY did I do that?!?! It's not like they are going to hire me, aside from a brief stint at Curves I haven't worked in YEARS. They want 4 professional references...I'm certain just about anyone I ever worked for no longer works at that place or even remembers who I am. I have no clothes appropriate for an interview, or for working in a retail environment for that matter IF somehow I managed to get hired...and I mean seriously, none, zero, zip, zilch. I haven't had an interview in soooooo long, I'm surely to sound like a complete idiot. I can only work weekends, stores want people who can work all the time. I'm fat, nobody likes fat people. I hate rejection, I can't handle rejection, it makes me feel even more like crap than I do on a regular basis. OMG!!!

All of that went through my head in about the span of 15 seconds.

Why am I freaking out? I have no clue. Its totally irrational and stupid. I mean, its not like I even HAVE to go, right? I should go. I should at least make an attempt to get out of the house and make a little bit of money. And if I already know they are going to hate me then it won't really be a disappointment when I don't get hired, right?

See...this is why I never tried to find a job before, its just too much for my poor mind to handle.

I think he's doing it on purpose...

As much as I despise summer break, I almost equally despise making lunches for my children every day. Not enough to wish that they didn't have school mind you, but it definitely is near the top of my list of things I'd rather not have to do. I have a hard enough time coming up with ideas for meals to eat each night for dinner, you think I really have brain cells to spare for lunch menus???

All last year E brought his lunch to school, mostly because I was too lazy to figure out the lunch system after they started at the new school. I was annoyed almost every morning trying to come up with things to give him, he might not have cared much about eating the same thing all the time, but I was irritated making the same things. There were times he asked if he could buy lunch, but I always had some reason for not figuring it out, which, thinking back on it, was really dumb on my part.

With the new school year coming upon us I thought, hmmm...maybe he can just buy lunch this year. He liked buying lunch in 1st grade at the old school a couple times a week, he'll certainly think this is a GREAT idea!!! I checked it out, lunches only cost $2 each, that's really not bad, and adding in the reduced work for me, totally worth it...I think its a great idea!

So I asked him and he seemed unsure. I told him he could have time to think about it. Of course I'm thinking this is a no brainer, right? Well a day passes and he comes to tell me he's decided...he doesn't want to buy lunch, he wants to keep bringing it from home.

Gah! Seriously???

You think if I make him peanut butter & jelly EVERY DAY he'll get sick of it and change his mind? Wait, no, that won't work, he LIKES pb&j.... Ooh, I know, tuna sandwiches! That should do the trick!

Oh, and lest you think I'm starving my other child...R doesn't actually eat lunch at school, well, he eats like 4-5 bites, literally, and only because we have people watching him to insure that he does so. So him buying would just be a total waste of money...so I'll just have to be annoyed about packing his lunch until a miracle occurs.

Have you heard of this show?

There's a reality tv show on Oxygen that's like the illegitimate love child of The Biggest Loser and Dancing With The Stars. Its called...get this...Dance Your A$$ Off. Overweight contestants are paired with a professional dancer and must do a dance routine every week. They also workout with a trainer and are changing their diets. They perform and are judged by 3 judges. Their average score is added to their percentage of weight loss and the lowest person is kicked off each week.

I don't know what I really think about it. On hand I think its great that they are showing that fat people can shake their thang and be just as sexy as anyone else, and they are losing fairly normal amounts of weight each week. But I dunno...I mean, they had a pole dancing week. I'm no prude, but I'm not sure I really want to see that regardless if you're a size 2 or 32.

I have to hand it to those contestants though, it looks like a really fun way to lose weight, but I don't think I'd have the guts to do it...not in front of other people anyway, LOL!

Why do women wear bikinis?

Ok so I know why *I* don't wear them, but that's pretty obvious I think.

Today I took the kids to the beach and while there I happened to notice that 95% of the women there were wearing a bikini, from the very young up to those on the verge of "old"...all wearing bikinis. Honestly I'm fairly certain the only females that I saw that were not wearing them were either a) wearing regular clothes/no swim wear at all, or b) were of the slightly chubbier variety and probably wished they'd make suits that covered from the neck to the knees.

I found this quite odd. I started thinking about how many times I've heard women complain about swim suit shopping and not being able to find one that fits or one that covers up the right spots. I thought about all the women I've heard complain about and agonize over a bit of belly flab or their flappy upper arms or jiggly thighs or their *gasp* 5 extra pounds. We're a society so obsessed with our physical flaws...and yet here are all these women putting them all on display.

But why? I find it improbable that all those women I saw were totally and completely accepting of their bodies. In fact, a girl next to me who couldn't have been older than 12 or 13 and had a perfectly slender/healthy looking body was describing to her 2 friends that she was in fact sucking her stomach in and went about showing them what it looked like when she didn't.

I'm not saying that women shouldn't wear bikinis, if you've got it (physically, mentally, or both)...flaunt it baby! And if its something that makes you feel good about yourself or your body, then more power to you! I'm also not saying that they should only be for the super skinny, if you have the body confidence for it then I see no problem with that.

The things that makes me curious though, is that I just know so many of those ladies out there had to be cringing internally over their butts hanging out or thought they needed to suck in their stomach so much they could hardly breathe. Not to mention the fact that they spend a significant amount of time wearing something to cover up their bikini. So why put yourself through misery? Why not stick to a more forgiving and covering one piece model?


Maybe I have a hard time grasping this because we fat folk tend to avoid swim wear as much as possible. We have no desire to show off our physical flaws in small pieces of spandex. No matter how much we know that those itty bitty things are 200% more stylish than our butt and thigh covering muu-muu's, our piece of mind and self-confidence are worth a bit more than style.


Is this a southern California phenomenon? Maybe women in other areas around the country are not as interested in baring so much of the skin they are not thrilled with.


So ladies, I want to hear it. If you wear a bikini I want to know why. Do you have a rockin' bod and want to show it off? Is it the one piece of clothing that makes you feel sexy? Because all your friends are wearing one? You have a secret obsession with tan lines? Deep down you know that all those things you *think* are wrong with your body don't make one bit of difference to anyone else in the world?

No I haven't fallen off the face of the earth

I sit down every once in a while and try to come up with something to write about, but nothing has been coming. And I've also been trying to spend less time on the computer. How's that working for me you ask... Well, on one hand I only spend a few minutes a day on the 2 forums that I've been a part of for a while. But, on the other, I have been spending a lot more time on
Facebook. (I'd like to publicly apologize to all my "friends" for the amount of stupid quizzes I take, I'm easily amused, and they are kinda like my own personal internet nicotine patches. Maybe I can't spend hours reading posts, but I can take a quiz or two...or four to help me get by.)

I also blame Farm Town for my increased Facebook time. Don't know what it is about that game that sucks you in so much. Seriously, all you really do is click the mouse button over and over again. You have to wonder just how much clicking to plow and clicking to plant and clicking to harvest can a person take? A lot apparently. And then there are all the Farm Town wannabe's out there. They try, but they just don't measure up. But, sometimes it scratches the itch while you're waiting for your Farm Town crops to be ready to harvest.

My faith in the American people has been restored...

Congratulations Kris Allen!!!!

And so it ends...

Last night was the American Idol finale (and DWTS, although I haven't talked about that, WTG Shawn!!)

So I'll start with Adam. The whole night feel weird to me for him. He sang "Mad World" well, but it was almost too much with the theatrics. I thought it was a strange choice for him for the finale. And "A Change Is Coming" really didn't do anything for me. Even though I do like his softer side better, that just didn't seem like an *Adam* song. The "No Boundaries" thing...well that was just a train wreck.

Kris did amazing on his first two songs. They were totally *Kris*. I didn't think "What's Going On" was too light, he did it in his way and it was great. Besides, he didn't pick the song, so I didn't think it was really fair of the judges to criticize that. The last song, ugh. He definitely did more justice to it than Adam, but really the song was not good for either of them. Not good at all.

Of course, you know who I want to win. I'm really hoping that all the Danny fans out there are going to throw their support to Kris since Danny's a lot more similar to Kris than Adam.

And 10 years ago today...

I got married. Hard to believe its been that long, makes me feel old. Makes me feel even older to think that we've been together for 13.5 years (well, the first year was long distance, but still...) That's just a couple years short of half our lives. What makes me feel even older than THAT is that the way we met (online) was thought of as super weird back then, and now its a common and even normal way to meet people and has been for a while. Ah the times, they are a-changin'.

Happy Anniversary baby!

The birthday boy...

Just wanted to post a pic of the 7 year old today...

Oh, and the mommy guilt in me feels the need to point out I realize I did not post a pic of my oldest son, E, on his birthday at the end of February. But he's had this obsession with licking his lips for months on end and has looked literally like a clown in pictures for ages now, so I just couldn't bring myself to post one. He stopped, briefly, recently and darn it all, I forgot to take a pic. *sigh*

7 years ago today...

...my life would change in ways I never expected would happen to me, ever. In ways that only happen to "other people" of course, those poor "other people" that I don't know how they even get up in the morning. Only I didn't know it was going to change that drastically for 3 more days. Fate gave me a 3 day reprieve before it sent my world spinning onto a completely different course.

7 years ago today my second child, R, was born. He came fast and furiously into the world. He wouldn't wait for the hospital nurses and their annoying iv's and constant badgering about epidurals that I didn't want. He barely even waited for my doctor to arrive. He had beautiful skin and the chubbiest cheeks, red hair and long fingers. He looked and seemed absolutely perfect.

Only, he wasn't perfect. 3 days from then we would find out he had a very severe heart defect, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. For all intents and purposes he had half a heart. The half that pumps blood to the body was too small to be of any use. Since then he's gone through 3 open heart surgeries, 2 abdominal surgeries, several cardiac catheterizations, feeding tubes, eating struggles, and whole bunch of other random things thrown in there. All of that with a resilience and grace that many adults do not possess. Not that its always been smooth sailing, quite the opposite in fact. Because in addition to that resilience and grace he possesses a stubborness and determination in his one little body that could rival an entire stadium full of people.

He's not so fast anymore, he's definitely still furious, and he still captures the heart of almost everyone he meets. Something about his smile and the shy way about him (when he's actually behaving like a child instead of a demon) just pulls people in. He is really an unforgetable child, in so many ways.

I'm not sure what kind of person or what kind of mother I'd be had he been born "normal". But at least now I know how those "other people", how "my people", get up in the morning.

Happy 7th Birthday R!!!

Tuesday TV

So it was apparently the older generations year this Biggest Loser season. Jerry's success is nothing short of amazing, Ron is but a shadow of his former self, and Helen took the big prize. Tara and Mike, of course, also had stunning results. It was a tight competition, they all came in so close to the same percentage of weight loss, so congrats to them all!

Overall the rest of the contestants did super well, so many of them lost well over 100 lbs, and mostly on their own too, so wow! I hate to say that there were a couple of people who disappointed me. I hate to say it because of all people I know how truly difficult it is and I don't want to be hypocritical....but, they did have an opportunity and resources given to them that most people will never get and they really didn't take advantage of that. But, at the same time, I think its good to show that losing that much weight isn't a race for a prize, in the real world you don't have to do it all in just a few months in order to be successful. Hopefully their slower rate of loss will lead to real, long-term results.

And so, another season of Biggest Loser is over...and, yet again, here I am exactly where I was when it started. What can I say other than I suck...still. Someday though, someday...

And then we have American Idol...

For the first time ever I just do not have a favorite to root for. I have enjoyed both Danny and Kris the entire season. I really like their voices and their performances. I don't think I could choose between the two of them. I thought they both did really great last night and it makes me sad that one of them has to go.

It makes me sad because there's Adam. Adam, Adam, Adam... I will not deny that the guy can really sing. I will not deny that he can really perform. He is definitely great at what he does. But he was back to his screeching last night and I just do not enjoy that. Seriously, just because you CAN hit a note doesn't mean you should do it quite SO often. I think my ears were "Crying." The other 2 get up there and they are themselves and they just sing, Adam gets up there every time and puts on an act, and it just...I don't know, is feeling really insincere to me. I'm not discrediting his talent, like I've said before he'd be stellar on Broadway, BUT this show is looking for a recording star. At least, that's what it used to be about.

Of course, the judges picked him for the winner from the very beginning. It doesn't matter what anyone else could have done the entire season. They've always chosen their comments in such a way to influence voters, and that has been no more blatantly obvious than it has this season. I'm not quite sure why they wasted so much time giving feedback to the others when really all they were thinking was "That's nice, but you're not Adam." They want him and they will do and say anything to make that happen.

For once I'm not real sad that this show is coming to an end. Despite some great singers, this year has been pretty boring and disappointing. Its been not so much "American Idol" as its been "The Adam Lambert Show". As much as I'd like to hope for a miracle from the voters and have it be a Danny vs Kris finale, there is very little chance that's going to happen. And so there will be no surprise next week, no nail-biting, no sitting on the edge of your seat wondering who will be crowned the victor, no cursing Ryan Seacrest for going to commercial at a pivotal moment. There may be some potential for entertainment watching Adam screech out one of those sappy, feel good, this is the first moment of the rest of my life finale songs...or, maybe not.

Want a laugh at my expense?

I didn't make it to the grocery store yesterday morning. (No, that's not the funny part.) I avoid taking all 3 children with me like the plague, so I didn't attempt an after school trip. So that meant I had to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it came to dinner last night.

Some friends of ours had moved and gave us some of the food left in their kitchen. I had these 2 cans of salmon sitting there that I had yet to do anything with. I'd never actually used canned salmon, I usually consume my salmon in the fillet form. I could only think of one thing to make with it, salmon patties, and I knew C might not be a huge fan. I have eaten canned salmon before, but only that which someone else has completely prepared...out of my line of vision. But I didn't have enough of anything else to make an entire meal out of, so I figured what the heck.

So I search around to find a way to make them without eggs because I was out. Find a way using mayo. Sounds gross, but I'm already being adventurous here, so lets just go all the way. All the recipes say to debone the salmon. I vaguely wondered how that would work, was slightly grossed out by the fact that there were bones in the can, and then figured it must not be too big of a deal since all the recipes said to take out the bones.

Then I opened the can. Please tell me that this is a secret joke that the world plays on unsuspecting canned salmon virgins, because I'm fairly certain I have ever seen anything THAT disgusting in my life. I just about threw it away and called C begging him to bring home food. But we had eaten out more times than we should have over the weekend and I was determined not to be a total wuss. I picked my way through the can discarding as much of the bones and skin as I could, along with any part of it that was just too gross looking for me to even imagine eating. I think I probably ended up with half the can in my bowl and the other half I threw away. It was so gross I couldn't even bring myself to feed it to the dog.

As a side note: I never used to eat chicken off a bone because to me that was super disgusting. I tend to like my food to NOT look anything like it did before it died. I have gotten better about it and will eat some off a bone, but the idea still skeeves me out quite a bit. This canned salmon...SO much worse, so, so, so, SO much worse.

Well crap, half a can of salmon is not going to feed my family, so I was going to HAVE to open the other can. I figured that there was just no way any company would sell canned salmon if it was really THAT difficult and THAT gross, there had to be a better way. So I set about to Google-fu myself something, anything, that might salvage the meal.

And lo and behold...you don't have to take the bones out! They are very soft and a good source of calcium, woo hoo!! Ok, that's great and all, but that still leaves the skin and the backbone part for me to dig out. Somehow the second can didn't look *quite* so disgusting as the first, but that really isn't saying much. Overall that can went much more smoothly and I ended up with less than half in the trash.

At least they didn't turn out horribly. They weren't great or anything, my kids liked them, and I guess that's all that matters. I told C he might want to pick himself up something to eat on the way home, just in case. I think they may have been better with an egg, not that I will test that hypothesis because you'd have to pay me a lot of money to open another can of salmon. And you'll never again hear me complain about the cost of fresh salmon because it is most definitely worth it!

Tuesday TV recap

Since I'm late, I had to change my title so people don't feel the need to remind me that it is in fact Thursday.

American Idol - Well my stupid, piece of #$%^& dvr again did not record, but I was able to catch it pretty early. I only missed Adam's performance. But I suspect that considering it was Rock night it would not have been one of his that I particularly liked anyway. I thought Allison and Kris did good, I wasn't blown away, but solid performances. But my boy Danny, I'm not sure what was up with him. In his duet with Kris he just looked like he wasn't there, he just didn't have the connection, he almost looked bored, or petrified, not sure which. He still sang well, but something was missing. And then his solo performance...I can forgive everything but the end, that was truly frightening. I was a bit scared for his fate and hoped the voting would reflect everything he's done so far and not just that night.

So then on Wednesday Allison was sent packing. As good as she is, I really think she was the right one to go. She can sing, but I think she just needs a bit *more* before she's really winner material. I have thought all along that Adam, Danny, and Kris should be the top 3...and they are, woo hoo!!

Biggest Loser - A marathon? A freaking marathon?? OMG, I can't believe that they had to do that. And its even more unbelievable that they all did it!! Wow, color me impressed! Seeing Ron cross that finish line with everyone there to support him and cheer him on as he did it was truly, truly inspiring.

So Tara and Helen made it to the finals. Good for them, they have both definitely worked extremely hard and their transformations are amazing. And the third finalist comes down to Mike or Ron. Gosh, what a tough choice! Both have done amazingly well and both are so deserving. In the end, they've both changed their lives dramatically for the better and that is what really matters.

I hope that Mike makes it and that he wins the whole thing, can't wait until next week!

I am an Ant Bully

We used to live in places where ants were a huge problem. We'd have ants traversing our entire living room so they could get from the door to the kitchen. I was the Queen of Raid. I took great joy in watching them die instantly. The more unconventional method of their death, the more entertainment value it held for me.

I know, its terrible, I admit that. I can't help myself, its who I am.

The last place we lived, while it had many, many, MANY flaws...the one thing it did have going for it was regular pest control. I never had an ant problem in the 3 years we lived there. Or maybe the ants in Orange County are just smarter than the ones in San Diego and they knew not to come in my house.

But now, I'm back to being tormented by ants. They invaded my kitchen about 2 weeks ago. I tried to play nice, I really did. I didn't really want to spray pesticides in my house anymore. So I put out Terro ant baits and waited for them to take it back to the nest and die. It worked within a couple days on some that came in by a window a while back. But these...kitchen ants...well they never stopped their endless searching over my counters. Their numbers reduced, but always carrying on. I cursed them (and squished them, or drowned them) daily.

But a couple days ago their numbers increased again and I just had enough. I cannot play nice anymore, I just can NOT do it. So I asked C to bring me home some Raid yesterday.

Whilst I waited for the poison d'jour I was making dinner. And do you know that ants do not like stove burners? Well maybe they don't know that they don't like them, but they shouldn't. How did I come to this knowledge? You see, one was crawling on my stove, as it got closer to the burner where I was boiling pasta it started to shudder and then it just shriveled up and was dead.

That? Was freaking awesome!! So I picked up his friend who was nearby and threw him down on the stove. And again, he crawled around, began to wriggle and writhe, and then was no more. I was so tempted to gather up more of their comrades and watch them fall one by one...but the idea of a bunch of dead ants on my stove while I was cooking grossed me out just a bit too much. Lucky for them.

Today I covered the hole they were coming in with Raid. And again I watched them shrivel and die and my spirit soared. I've yet to clean up the corpses. I'm leaving them as a warning to any survivors that they should be afraid, very afraid.

The Queen of Raid is back!

When does the energy kick in?

Isn't one of the benefits of exercise supposed to be you sleep better and have more energy?? I thought so.

I need it. I need it now.

I've been working out several days a week for the past few weeks, getting back into the groove, I've done even more this week than before. And yet, I have been awake until midnight (not for any particular reason, just haven't felt tired enough to go to bed) and have been waking up around 6:30 almost every morning.

I just can't handle that little sleep. My body and brain know I can't handle that little sleep, so I don't get it.

I've made a pot of coffee every day this week. I am not a regular coffee drinker, so that's a big thing. (And I'm only drinking it in the morning...so that's not what is affecting my sleep.)

Somehow I have to clean my entire kitchen, get another workout in, shower, pick up my boys from school, hound them to finish the stuff they are supposed to clean, get to a store to get more pull ups for my daughter, and clean up every room in the house AGAIN after that same hurricane girl plows through them.

All before 6:00 when the babysitter is coming. All without falling dead asleep while standing up.

So, you hear that energy??? You need to get in gear, and soon!

Creepy Crawlies

One thing I've always been squeamish about is spiders. I hate them. They freak me out. It used to be that I'd never ever come close to touching one no matter what. Of course I grew up and realized I had to be more mature about it and would kill them if I found them...the little ones anyway. The big ones...forget about it. I'd rather leave my house and all my posessions behind. As any respectable spider hater I am especially freaked out about the idea of black widow spiders. Until today I'd only ever heard about them and seen pictures. But now my life is changed.

R came running to me saying there was a spider in their outdoor toy box and I had to go look at it. I really didn't want to go look at it. I was about to just tell him to ignore it and stay out of the box...but at the last second I decided I'd humor him and check it out.

And there is was. A big, black spider. Ewwww, just kill me now, how the heck am I going to kill THAT?!?! But then I noticed something, and I looked closer...oh crap, seriously kill me because that thing is no ordinary spider, there's a freaking red hourglass shape on it!

Of course I can hide my freaking out even though I really want to run far, far away...but R is now freaking out (what the heck do they teach kids about spiders in 1st grade anyway???) and there's just no getting around it, we have to do *something* about it.

I immediately decide the best course of action is to call my husband and tell him he needs to come home NOW to kill the damn thing.

Thankfully he misunderstood me and thought it was in the house, because he DID come home right away and he did kill it for me despite it actually being outside. Aww, he's such a great guy!!

Tuesday TV

I've missed a couple weeks of commenting on my Tuesday night shows, but they are nearing the end now, so its more exciting anyway.

First, American Idol. I missed Kris, Allison, Matt, and half of Danny's performances because of my stupid dvr. So, I can't really comment much on them. What I heard of Danny was great. The other 3 didn't sound bad in the recap. Adam was of course amazing, the guy is definitely growing on me. But the thing about him is, he's just SO theatrical. I can see him becoming like THE most famous guy Broadway has ever seen. Its so much a part of him, from the look in his eyes to the way he moves on stage to the over the top screeching that he occasionally does. No matter how hard I try I just can't picture him making an album or hearing him on the radio, ya know. I really think the guy was born to be on the stage.

Now, Biggest Loser. Its really amazing at this stage of the show to see just how much they have all changed. They look nothing like the people that came in on the first day. I love the train the trainer episodes, its hilarious. Bob telling Filipe to shut up was priceless. Not that its *really* the same as when the tables are reversed, but it still fun to see Bob and Jill sweating and huffing. They all did so great this week losing so much weight, makes it hard to think any of them should have to go home. But, I've never been a huge fan of Filipe, so I'm not broken up about his departure or anything.

Baby steps

I know I said I was sick of hearing myself talk about this...but I'm kinda bored and I'm avoiding the massive mess that's taken over my house.

So I just did my 3rd day in a row of cardio, woot! *happy dance*

Really its not MUCH to be excited about, I did the elliptical for 15 minutes on Wednesday, 17 minutes on Thursday, and 19 minutes today. But after not being able to do ANY exercise for over 2 weeks due to my back problem and then I got sick and wasn't feeling up to much, it had been 3 weeks since I'd moved much at all.

I knew I'd be miserable if I tried to jump right back to where I'd left off prior to my back getting hurt, AND I was still coughing a bunch...so I figured I had to start somewhere. Much to my surprise it wasn't that tough doing those 15 minutes and it felt really, really good.

I really have a love/hate relationship with the elliptical. Sometimes it feels great, like I'm running on air, and I could keep going and going...and I love it. And other times it feels like I'm running up a mountain where there is very little oxygen and my lungs want to burst out of my chest...and I hate every second of it.

Although I suppose I feel that way about pretty much every exercise. Sometimes its great, more often than not it sucks. Depending on what it is it either feels awesome or horribly painful when its done.

I always think about those poor people on the Biggest Loser. They have to be sore 100% of the time...for weeks...on end...never stopping...only getting worse. I'm sure I'd have a hate only relationship with exercise if I was on that show.

Anyway, hopefully this will be a start to slowly getting back on the workout wagon and nothing will get in the way of me staying there this time!

Active imagination or am I just nuts?

Do you ever get woken up from a dream too early? At some pivotal point in the "story line" something (like your children who wouldn't sleep in to save their lives...) tears you away from your sleep and you're left feeling like "Woah, wait...WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!?!?!?"

I had one of those dreams last night. Its strange because I can't even really remember many specifics of the dream, just the overall story. Had something to do with me giving a piece of chocolate to my sister's brother in law (not my real sister, don't have one of those, just my dream sister) who had some crazy reaction to it and we thought he died but really his breathing and heart rate just slowed down so much it seemed like he was dead (you know, like in the movies) and his father and I tried to hide how he died, but then, well he just wasn't dead anymore. Right as he started moving and talking to us I was so rudely interrupted by my son so I never found out what really happened.

If you're me, you just can't let it go, you just have to know. You try to get back to sleep hoping that the dream will resume at that same exact moment, yet knowing that will never happen. So then you start making up things in your mind that you THINK happened, or should have happened. And you never really get back to sleep because that would interrupt your mind trying to re-create the dream. And then sometimes you go off on the wrong direction so you have to re-write those scenes and try again. Then even when you HAVE to get up and can't lay in bed letting your mind wander anymore...you still can't stop thinking about what was going to happen next. And so throughout the day you find moments when you imagine the story continuing, of course you have to try to hide it otherwise people will think you're just sitting there staring off into space...or worse, if you're not REALLY careful, talking to yourself.

Maybe I should write a book about it and become the obsession of millions. (That was a Twilight reference for anyone not into the obsession.)

Yeah, that would be a bad idea. The only thing I ever really wrote outside of assignments was some short stories about a guy named Wendall back in high school. It made absolutely no sense unless you were 15...nah, even then it was just totally random stupid stuff. A friend of mine even guest wrote a story including Wendall.

I wonder what happened to those, I know I kept them, maybe they are at my parents house. If I ever find them I'll post one, and then you'll see (as if this blog wasn't already a clue) that I wasn't meant to be an author.

Ok...I did it.

I read them. I know, I know, I swore I wasn't going to. At least not until it didn't irritate me endlessly to see them everywhere and I stopped seeing my friends dropping like flies joining Team Edward. (This post is for you Corra, LOL!)

The opportunity arose for me to acquire them with no financial obligation (my irrational annoyance with them would have NEVER allowed me to pay money for them), so I figured I might as well, and I'd just wait for that day that I figured would take ages to come.

Then I hurt my back last week and for days on end I was completely useless. So what else was I going to do?? Well, read the entire Twilight series in 8 days, that's what I did. Anyone who hasn't read them and wants to may want to stop reading here, just in case I give anything away.

As I begun reading "Twilight" I was surprised to find that the story did keep me interested despite the very weak excuse for a plot, and so I kept going. Not the greatest book I'd ever read, but it was quick and easy and with my life I like quick and easy reads. Knowing the original target audience was young teenagers helped me forgive some of its flaws as well. Although...knowing the target audience also made some of the themes seem a bit inappropriate as well, but I decided I was just going to push that out of my mind and live in denial until my children are 30. There were things I just shook my head at and thought "what was she thinking?" Like the whole sparkly thing. But, whatever, its fiction right? "New Moon" and "Eclipse" felt much the same to me, I was compelled to keep reading despite the flaws.

I was able to understand the draw to Edward. Although I still don't get the obsession with him. I mean, he's a character, in a book... But yeah, who wouldn't be attracted to the fantasy of being loved so fiercely by someone so perfect in every way, who would die a horrible death for you every day of his life to keep you safe, someone who would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy, not to mention the whole physical aspect that I'm in denial about. But, its just that, a fantasy...and I did get bored at times with the constant "I love you's" and "I want to be with you forever's", it got very redundant. So, rest assured I will, as I predicted, NOT be shouting to the rooftops that I've joined Team Edward.

Then I got to "Breaking Dawn"... And somehow I could feel my thoughts changing. I'm not sure if it was because it was so different from the first three in that there was an actual resemblance of a plot and it was just structured differently, or if Ms. Meyer programmed hypnotic suggestions into the text. But I quite literally could NOT stop reading. It wasn't just that the story kept me interested enough to want to find out what happened next, it seemed vital to me that I know how everything turned out. In the logical part of my brain I knew that I should not be so enthralled in the story, it was JUST a book, and not even that amazing of one, but I couldn't help myself. It was like literary crack and nothing better stand in the way of me getting my fix. The kids would want stuff from me and in my head I was screaming "GO AWAY, CAN'T YOU SEE I'M READING!!!!" I had to tear myself away and then the only thing I could think about was how fast I could get back to it. During the times when I HAD to stop reading I could not stop thinking about it, it was overtaking my brain. It was the strangest sensation, I could feel my internal struggle over my sanity, and in the end sanity lost and I finished that one quicker than the first three even though its the longest.

I'm glad that Bella and Edward got their happy ending. And I suppose I can actually say I'm glad I read them.

And even more glad that I came out not having fallen into the rabid obsessed fan club wondering how they can con a sparkly vampire into taking out their husbands.

Tuesday TV

Well nobody had any ideas for me, so we all will just get what we get, most likely in the form of useless blabbering.

So what better topic...reality tv.

Tuesday night is American Idol night, and The Biggest Loser night, gotta love it!

As much as I didn't like Adam Lambert at the start, especially after he desecrated that Johnny Cash song so exponentially...I must say he is growing on me a bit the last couple weeks. I still don't like his shrieking, but the guy really is talented.

My favorite of the night though, far and away, was Kris Allen. Wow, he was awesome!

Danny Gokey has been one of my top picks and I thought he definitely did justice to my boys last night. I wasn't expecting to love it being the Rascal Flatts fan that I am, but he really did a good job.

The rest of them, eh, they weren't horrible last night (well, aside from Megan who I think has always been horrible and needs to hang up the microphone) but nothing that really stood out as great. It is an interesting season.

Ok, so Biggest Loser. I'm kinda bummed for Nicole that she got sent home already, she was so happy to come back. It must have been a huge shock for her to gain 5 pounds. But, on the other hand she was so succesful on her own I know she'll be fine. Plus whatever she was doing at home was working, and whatever she did on the ranch was not!

I'm getting kinda annoyed with some of the contestants. Filipe for one, he's like a big whiny baby and Sione is like this dumb, oafy guy who'll go along with whatever Filipe says just because he's his cousin. And Tara, get a grip already, sheeesh.

I was surprised to see Allison Sweeney back so soon after having her baby. I wouldn't have been too thrilled to stand there through that weigh-in so soon after giving birth. Its fun to see her though, I feel like I've watched her grow up on tv, LOL. I watched her so young when she started on Days Of Our Lives when my grandma got me hooked on it, and now she's all grown up and a mother of 2.

Do you want to know what ELSE I'm sick of?

Having such a totally boring life that I can't think of anything to write here for days on end. Maybe you've noticed my posts lately have really not had a lot of substance. I just got nothin'.

I can't post great recipes or food ideas like some people...because I have none and, well, I don't particularly enjoy cooking all that much (which might be because of my lack of great recipes or food ideas.)

I don't have any crafty talent like sewing or knitting or photography or some such to show off. Not that I'd have time to do anything even if I did have a talent.

I don't have any good cleaning or "going green" type of tips that you haven't already heard tons of other places.

I've got no job to talk about, complain about, rave about, etc.

My children aren't particular interesting, they spend most of their time screaming at me or fighting with each other...which doesn't make for the most upbeat blog topic and would probably make you think horrible things about me since I was not blessed with the skill set to deal with their beastly behavior productively.

There's the whole weight loss aspect that I've posted about numerous times in the past. But even I am sick of hearing myself talk about that. I'm sure you don't care a lot about how I'm fat and I've always been fat and apparently I always will be since I can't stick to any good habits for more than a week (at best.)

I do the same things practically every day, there's just nothing exciting or interesting going on. So I'm stuck. Is there such thing as bloggers block?

If anyone out there has any ideas, something you'd like to hear me talk about...let me have 'em!

Do you know what I'm sick of?

Twilight. Yes, I realize to many of you that is probably blasphemous. But I would be happy to never see another book cover or another commercial for the dang dvd. I'm just so tired of seeing it EVERYWHERE!!

I don't know what it is. There have been many book and movie crazes and this is the only one that gets on my nerves. I have no desire to read them, no desire to see the movie, I just don't. The idea of them just irritates me. And its not like I have a thing against vampires or anything. There's just something...

The whole Team Edward thing is totally lost on me. Seriously, even if I did read them I can't imagine myself ever uttering those words. Is there even another "team"??

Maybe someday I'll give them a try, I dunno, but for now...I just want them to go away!

Yes I realize I haven't posted much lately and this is totally random, but I take no responsibility for the things that pop into my head, you get what you get (and you don't throw a fit.)

Are you smarter than a 2 year old?

Apparently I am not. A week and a half ago K was playing with a small hand mirror of mine that I use practically daily when putting on my makeup. She also found my Tweezerman tweezers (my $20 Tweezerman tweezers, for anyone not familiar) and took those off with the mirror. She had been playing near the laundry baskets. I didn't see her go anywhere else with them.

The next day I can't find my mirror but don't really have time to search for it. A few days later I notice how terribly out of hand my eyebrows are getting and realize...now I can't find my tweezers. Ah, right, they were confiscated by a toddler. Well, they have to be around somewhere. I search in all the obvious areas that could be seen. Look in her room. Dig through ALL the laundry. Poke through the trash. Neither the tweezers or the mirror are to be found. The mirror I can live without, the mirror only cost a couple bucks, but I seriously don't want to lose $20 tweezers! (Don't bother to ask why I must have $20 tweezers, I just do, ok?)

Day after day goes by, still don't find them.

Yesterday I look in the way back of a bathroom drawer for something (a drawer that I get stuff out of EVERY DAY, this is important in a moment...) and literally as I'm shutting the drawer I spot something red out of the corner of my eye. Something red...oooh, oooh, its my tweezers! Finish shutting the drawer. Wait, what? My tweezers!! My tweezers are right here in the middle of the drawer, practically under my nose, I probably could have poked myself with them. Well then where the heck did my mirror go??? Surely that couldn't be so obviously in this drawer that I look in every day. And yet, I open the drawer and there it is, my mirror, sitting right next to the tweezers.

My not quite 2 1/2 year old daughter played with my stuff and then she...put it away.

Oy. What does that say about me that I wouldn't even think to look in the dang bathroom drawer???

Well, for one, it says I never put my own crap away. And, it definitely says that my 2 year old is smarter than me!

My new favorite song!

There is a band that is brand new to the country music scene, so new that many people haven't heard of them yet. Their name is Gloriana and they are totally awesome!! From the first time I heard their song "Wild At Heart" I was hooked. I didn't know who sang it or anything about it, but I wanted to hear it again...and again and again and again. I wanted to share since I know some of you out there are country music fans.

Well I'm technologically challenged and can't seem to get the video link thing to work...so just click HERE!

Lucky me!

So a couple days ago someone from Africa wanted to send me money. And today...well today I've won the amount of six hundred thousand pounds from Toyota!!

Although, I'm not entirely sure if that's pounds of money, or how much the vehicle they are going to give me weighs, or an excessive addition to my ass. Hmm, not sure I can take my chances on that last one, think I'll have to pass...

Will the real Amanda please stand up?

I've come to the conclusion that I am an imposter. I might be able to fool people into thinking I'm a normal, everyday person...but really I'm not.

You see, I've been thinking a lot lately about where I've been and where I'd like to do with my life. And the truth is, I haven't got a clue. When I was a kid I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to be a doctor and that was all there was too it. I was smart and a hard worker and everyone around me knew it, seemed like all was meant to be. Obviously, it wasn't. Well then what??

Everything I've done since then just hasn't really worked out. I was a toddler/preschool teacher. I worked at Curves for Women for a short while. I tried being a doula. But the thing is, while I enjoyed doing those things while I was doing them, I felt like I didn't really belong. I felt like someone pretending to be a good teacher, masquerading as an exercise motivator/information giver, sounding like I knew a lot about birthing a baby...but really underneath it all I didn't know anything. I put on a good act, but I don't feel like I was really any good at any of those things.

Maybe my subconscious knows something I don't, maybe it knows that I wasn't meant to do any of those things and its just waiting for the right thing to come along. Or maybe my early years of being "the smart kid" were just a tease and I am truly meant to be mediocre at everything I do.

That seems more likely, because really I'm not very good at anything I do anymore, and haven't been for a long time now.

I'm a mom. Ok, so I don't totally suck at it, my kids are not physically abused or locked up in a closet or anything. I do feed them and bathe them (sometimes) and clothe them and let them live when they are really irritating me, but I'm definitely not good at it. I definitely don't live up to the expectations I had of myself prior to having children. See, I ignore my kids way too much. I yell way too much. I let them entertain themselves instead of finding fun and interesting activities for us to do. I say no way too often just because saying yes would mean stopping whatever it is I am doing and that annoys me. I'm irritated by them more often than I enjoy being with them. I could go on and on...

I'm a wife. I don't do too well with this role either. The explaination for this could go on forever too, but basically it comes down to me having too little patience and too much selfishness.

I'm a housekeeper. Uh, I don't think I really need to explain this further. Regular readers will know that I actually DO suck at that. Sure I could be worse, but I'm not too far from the bottom.

And that's pretty much all I am. There's a whole list of things that I am NOT (including but not limited to...I don't have friends, hobbies, or a job) and by virtue of not having them, I am not good at them either.

Oooh, wait, I just thought of something I'm good at. Actually, this is something I'm great at...I'm great at being fat! Of course that's how it would go, me being good at something that totally sucks.

Where does one go from here? How do you get to be the age I am and have absolutely no idea who you are? Sure I'm *only* 31 years old, its not like I've got one foot in the grave (er, well maybe I do considering the one thing I'm great at). BUT, I'm *31* years old, I'm fully an adult now, why am I still clueless?

I know you might be thinking, "oh, it can't really be THAT bad, you must be embellishing here." No, its really that bad, I am completely clueless. For example, on any given weekend, or really on every weekend C will ask me something like "what do you want to do today?" or "what would you like to go eat for dinner?" And my answer will ALWAYS be "I don't know." And he gets all upset with me, but really, truly, honestly I DON'T KNOW. It's like my brain shuts down and I cannot form an opinion of my own no matter how hard I try. If he presses me or I try to push myself to choose something I get very irritated and agitated, I just can't do it, it causes me too much stress.

Maybe I have some sort of degenerative brain disease. No seriously, maybe I do.

Don't laugh at me, I can hear you.

There has to be some good explaination other than the fact that the fates just hate me.

Do people really fall for this?

I'm just so happy that there are people in West Africa that are wanting to send me millions of dollars via FedEx, as long as I pay a few thousand for the delivery & security fee. Their continent is riddled with poverty and disease...and yet they want little 'ol me to have their money. Isn't that nice?

Can you imagine how much money I'd have today if I'd responded to every one of these emails I'd ever gotten over the years?? Certainly I'd be the richest person in the world. How silly of me to keep deleting them!

Is this scam EVER going to die?? Is anyone actually falling for it anymore to make it worthwhile to even send?? I'd like to meet someone who has perpetrated this scam, or better yet someone who's fallen for it. Not for any particular reason, just to say I did it...cuz you know the world is full of idiots, but these people would have to be the cream of the crop. Wouldn't that be fun to tell people, that you actually met some of the best idiots in the world??

The kid cracks me up...

So Sunday night we are sitting at the table eating dinner, we've already mentioned to the boys that we are going to take showers and get to bed on time since they've had a week off of school and need to get back into our routine, yadda, yadda, yadda...and this conversation occurs somewhat later, not actually during the return to school discussion. So its a little out of the blue...

R: Do we get new grades?

Me: *scratches head* What do you mean?

R: I mean, do we get new grades?

Me: Thanks for that clarification, well you are always getting graded on stuff, so yeah, there's always new grades, and after you finish a grade in school you go up one, so.... Yes, you get new grades.

R: Buuuutttt!!!!

Me: Still confused...

R: Apparently is not satisfied with that answer, so replies in a very matter of fact tone... Ok, lets try this again. Do we get new grades?

C busts out laughing. Everyone else starts laughing. R thinks he's hilarious.

And this is why we let him live, he's got to be the most difficult kid to live with, but he's so darn adorable JUST often enough that we keep him around to see what he'll do next!

Yeah, I changed it again...

The background that is. I can't help myself, I get bored easily. Plus I was really annoyed by those flower thingys on the side of the last background being in the way of the text.

I haven't been around to post anything for the past week. I was busy cleaning and decluttering for C's mom, grandma, and aunt to come visit. I knew they wouldn't be here much, but I like to make it at least appear that I clean occasionally when people come to my house. Then there was their visit that was, uh, let's just say less than ideal. Yesterday took a trip to the beach and then had a nap that was so, so, so nice!

So, just in case you missed me, that's where I've been.

My sleep has been tormented this week...

...tormented by animals and their annoying noises.

First it was the dog. I was having this dream in which I started out all Indiana Jones going over these 3 waterfalls. Then ended up in this shack with Jack and Juliette and Sawyer from Lost. Who wants to be interrupted whilst dreaming of Josh Holloway??? But then I kept hearing this dog whine and whimper. In my dream the dog was in the shack with us in a crate. Everyone kept yelling at the dog to shut up, but it just wouldn't quit. I remember getting more and more irritated at this dog, and yet nobody would do anything about it. Then I woke up and realized that it was MY dog that was being so vocal. This dog has done plenty of annoying things, but dragging me out of sleep and away from Sawyer...well now she's just gone too far!!

Then last night I was dreaming that some kid was staying overnight with us. This kid came to our house upon his bike. Somehow the bike ended up in the bedroom with this kid and my oldest son. On this bike was some device that made a very loud chirping/beeping sound whenever the back tire moved. I start hearing this sound, knowing the boys were supposed to be asleep I charge into the bedroom and find my son messing with the bike. I unleash my wrath upon him and think its over. But then I hear it again. This time, its the kid. I remove the bike and put it outside the bedroom. And I hear the sound again. And again, and again. Move the bike outside. And I keep. hearing. the. sound. Somehow I think something must be vibrating the ground making it go off, so I turn it upside down. No idea why I think that would make any difference... And the flipping sound keeps going! By this time I am absolutely livid and going completely out of my mind because of this noise that won't go away. Again I am suddenly woken up. It takes a few moments for me to realize...I am hearing a really loud chirping noise that keeps going and going and going and going...

I look at the clock, its about 2:30 am, I wake up C and ask him "what is that sound???" He reluctantly gets up and looks out the window. He beats on the wall and it stops. He says "there's a bat on our house" like its a common occurence. A what??? Lets put aside the idea of bats on or in my house freaking me out. Why would it be making THAT racket, WTH, is the thing dying?

He gets back in bed. And of course, the noise starts AGAIN. So he gets dressed, arms himself with a flashlight and a tennis ball and heads out to check it out. We hear this screech and he ducks and is looking around like something is about to dive bomb him. He couldn't see what was on the house, so he chucks the ball at it.

And out flys this huge white bird. Neither of us could really tell what it was, but we're assuming maybe it was an owl. Until we were finally able to sleep again we could occasionally hear, very faintly, the thing making its horrible noise at someone else's house. I don't know what would possess an animal to do that, unless it was trying to annoy the shit out of the screeching bird to get it to go away. But seriously, do that at someone else's house, next time we might throw something a lot bigger than a tennis ball!

The dream state is an interesting thing... You know, my kids can make a noise during the night when I'm asleep and I instantly wake up, whether I'm dreaming or not. But some non-stop annoying animal makes a noise, and I incorporate it into my dream.

Just popping in...

to say HI! I'm here, I'm alive, just don't have much to say lately I guess. I've just been here with the laundry and the dishes and homework, nothing exciting or interesting really going on. I'm not good at "small talk" either, I can't just start talking about something out of the blue like some people can. So I sit and stare at the screen willing something, anything to pop in my head. But my head is empty. Or anything I come up with I decide is stupid and nobody will care. Granted, that hasn't stopped me before, and frankly just about everything I post is kinda stupid and I really doubt anyone will care. But now I feel the need to spare you, my readers, from my boring babbling.

Its a good thing I'm well acquainted with Star Wars...

So today I sit at the table preparing to go through the mail. The boys had just gotten home from school. R puts down his backpack and starts telling me in an excited tone about the item his friend Daniel chose to bring to "sharing time" today. I'm not sure if he was just talking too fast or if it was just a slip of the tongue or if my ears weren't working correctly, but this is what I heard...

R: "Mom, mom, Daniel brought a really big Genital Grievous for his share today!"

Wait, what??

First graders, show and tell time, and genitals really, really don't seem to fit...

Thankfully I knew that he was indeed referring to GENERAL Grievous. Whom I don't think actually has any genitals.

Phew.

Random thoughts...

I haven't been inspired by any particular topic lately enough to warrant a blog post about it. But I was getting sick of looking at the same old thing. Plus football is over and as I'm sure you can guess I couldn't be more disgusted with the results and couldn't be more grateful that I do not live in Pittsburgh today. (Their schools were delayed 2 hours today cuz they thought too many kids would be absent from partying so late. *insert eye roll* This, however, does not surprise me in the least.)

So instead here's a variety of - stuff.

I got a bread maker today. *insert happy dance* I've been wanting to make my own bread for a long time now. Of course I know I COULD do it by hand......but......yeah, you probably know me well enough to know that THAT wasn't going to happen. I was so excited I got a loaf baking as soon as I could! I seriously need a life when I get happy about bread. I thought about getting a good bread knife to go along with it, um, $60???? Really?? I'm totally no expert on cutlery, but I was shocked. That's more than the entire set of my "Miracle Blade" knives cost. Go ahead and cringe, but they are pretty darn good knives for that price.

Ooh, another thing I'm totally excited about and all my Facebook peeps out there already know, but I'm gonna say it again cuz I'M TOTALLY EXCITED!!!! C & I are going to a Rascal Flatts concert in March!!! I love, love, love, love, LOVE Rascal Flatts and I haven't been to a concert in years and years and years and years and years. I can't wait!! I just hope we get the tickets in time. They are being shipped to my mom's house because that's the mailing address of the credit card we used (didn't realize that beforehand otherwise we would have tried just using our address instead.) Anyway...you'll probably see me in the news because I went completely postal on the Ticketmaster people if my parents don't get them in time to mail them to us.

Speaking of Facebook, I just realized I haven't updated our family picture album website in like 5 months because I spend so much time on Facebook. I blame C, its his fault. I had an account for ever but never used it. It confuzzled me. I felt totally Facebook stupid. But C signed up somehow and he kept bugging me to use mine. I resisted for a while, but finally gave in. And now I have yet another addiction. I'm not the only one, this seems to be a raging problem all over the country. Anyway...back to the whole website problem. I went to look at it just now, I hardly recognize my kids. Its amazing how much they change in such a short amount of time. I was thinking I should really sit down and fix it up. But then I'd either have to take time away from my kids or time away from Facebook...uh, sorry kids.

I have a problem that I'm going to confess to you all. I HATE folding and putting away my kids laundry. I have on more than one occasion left their clothes in the laundry basket so long that there was hardly anything left in it. Last Friday I did 4 loads of laundry (none of which were kids clothes)...washed, dried, and put them all away. And yet I left the basket of my boys clothes sitting in the garage. The basket that had been full of clean clothes since, oh, Monday or Tuesday. (That's LAST Monday or Tuesday.) Today E asked me why I just couldn't bring the basket in the house so he didn't have to go into the garage in the cold in the morning to get dressed. Yeah, its still in the garage. I don't know why I avoid this chore so extremely, I guess because there are JUST. SO. MANY. of them, I just can't bring myself to do it. I literally have to force myself. Imagine me laying on the floor kicking my feet and pounding my fists and screaming my head off...that's what I go through in my head before I get up and do it. When I am in the process of it I feel like this huge weight is sitting on me. I feel exhausted and completely overwhelmed. There's just *something* about it that I cannot deal with.

The things nightmares are made of...

So I open up my browser this morning and it comes up with the MSN page like always, and I see a line near the top that says "What is the Terrible Towel?" To most that wouldn't be a big deal, but to me it brings back horrible, HORRIBLE memories that I really try to leave buried.

You see, I had the misfortune to be living in Pittsburgh during a year when the Steelers went to the Super Bowl. This was long ago, my first year of college, and it still haunts me.

I'd never had anything against the Steelers prior to my living there. I'm certain I had no opinion of them at all, in fact. But after that year that would drastically change.

I've lived other places when their sports team went to a big game, the Super Bowl, World Series, etc. And sometimes it was really fun, sometimes slightly annoying, but mostly didn't leave a lasting impact on me.

But Pittsburgh is a whole different thing. You couldn't turn on the tv or radio without being CONSTANTLY bombarded with something about the Steelers. On the rare occasions I was away from school, it was like black and gold had thrown up on everything. The mentality of the city and the team is extremely cocky, like "we are better than the world so shut up and take it". Its like the lives of everyone in the city revolved around football. I guess you could call it devotion, passion maybe...but to an outsider, it was frightening, very, very frightening.

Of course every city/state that has a team going for the top trophy gets super excited and engrossed in the retail aspect of it, that's understandable...but Pittsburgh and the Steelers fans are a different breed, I've never encountered anything like it before or since.

And the song...this penetrating song that played everywhere. That is something forever seared into my brain and no matter what I do it will never leave. Here we go! Steelers! Here we go! Pittsburgh's goin' to the Suuuuper Bowl! *shudder*

No offense (really!) to any Steelers fans out there or anyone from Pittsburgh, I'm sure you can't help it. I'm not unconvinced that it isn't something piped into the water supply or airborne contaminant. Its just...well if this doesn't help explain it, I don't know what can.

Take a gander through the wiki page on the Terrible Towel.

And here is a quote from the creator...

The Terrible Towel
Is not an instrument of witchcraft…It is not a hex upon the enemy. THE TOWEL is a positive force that lifts the Steelers to magnificent heights – and poses mysterious difficulties for the Steelers' opponents only if need be. Many have told me that THE TERRIBLE TOWEL brought them good fortune, but I can't guarantee that sort of thing because the Steelers, after all, are THE TOWEL'S primary concern. Still, at the least, the symbol of THE TERRIBLE TOWEL will serve as a memento of your having been part of the Steelers' Dynasty and if it causes good things to happen to you, so much the better.
Myron Cope

Dynasty...magnificent heights...taking it to Mount Everest...seriously people????

There's just something not normal about all of that.

Well when you put it like THAT...

So I received from R's teacher a couple observation forms that she's done regarding his difficulties in school, I had asked for it so I could pass it along to the psycologist for his ADD evaluation/testing. Now, I knew he was struggling, but when you read it off these observation forms, its like WOW...this kid's really got some issues! FWIW, a couple items I don't necessarily agree with, but 99% of them I do and witness at home as well. Plus there's a bunch of emotional/mood/compliance stuff on the forms that he exhibits at home, but fortunately for his teacher (and unfortunately for me and C), not at school.

So here's what she marked off on the first form...

is easily distracted by other students or events
has difficulty sustaining attention
has difficulty following instructions
often does not seem to listen
is "spacy", in own world, often daydreams
is far less active than most others in class
works very slowly
has trouble organizing belongings
has trouble organizing and completing classwork
has trouble organizing and completing homework
is excessively shy, quiet
has problems reading
has problems with math
has problems communicating with written language

And on the second...

fails to start task when assigned
short attention span
fails to finish tasks in allotted time
does not follow a sequence of directions
classroom comments irrelevant, misses point
daydreams, pre-occupied
easily distracted
reading difficulties observed
arithmetic difficulties observed
spelling difficulties observed
written language difficulties observed
confused snese of time/space/direction
disorganized work habits
fails to complete assignments
clumsy, bumps into things or persons
slow to move and respond, less active than peers
awkward when catching, throwing or in game activities
writing appears like that of a much younger child
works at a slower pace than other classmates
coloring, cutting, drawing immature for age

This poor kid just cannot catch a break. There's just always something happening with him. For a long time I thought, so what if he's got half a heart, we are going to treat him like any other kid and he'll still live a normal life...just like everyone else. I guess its time to stop denying it, its just not going to be as easy as that.

Tomatoes...

Do you have a food that you really can't stand, but at the same time you really
WANT to like? I'm not talking about foods you swear you don't like and then one day try again and realize its pretty darn good. No, these are foods you cannot bring yourself to like no matter what, but you really really wish you could.

For me, its tomatoes.

It used to be the only way I'd consume a tomato is if it was in the form of ketchup or spaghetti sauce. It could in NO way resemble its original package or I'd practically gag looking at it. A tomato that was anything other than ketchup or spaghetti sauce totally disgusted me.

As I got older I came to realize that cooked tomatoes weren't so bad. I could choke them down and at times they were actually pretty good depending on what I was eating them with. Still not sure I could bring myself to eat a cooked one alone but along with other foods they are tolerable.

I still just cannot bring myself to eat raw tomatoes. The taste just...*shudder*, well its just gross. And yet they seem like such a happy food, just asking to be eaten..so bright and red and fresh. They look like they should be good. I find myself being tempted now and again to try one. But something in my brain always keeps me from it.

While looking through my Joy Bauer LIFE diet book's menu plans I can across a lunch that was an open faced tomato and cheese sandwich. A piece of bread, with a tomato and cheese put under the broiler. I was so tempted to try it that I even bought a tomato *gasp*! I never could bring myself to actually make it though, that lunch kept getting pushed back later and later in the week. And then one day on the weekend we ate out, so it got tossed off the menu altogether.

Last night I made turkey burgers for dinner. E asked for lettuce and tomato on his, so I dug out that tomato I bought. I sliced it up and served it to each of my children...who, much to my dismay, all really like tomatoes. Even R eats tomatoes, and truly that hurts me most of all, the kid who I have to fight with daily to eat any food at all will willingly injest a tomato. Its just wrong, I tell you, wrong, wrong, wrong!

I was tempted yet again to try it. Those darn tomatoes sitting on the plate looking all juicy and cheery. "What's not to like??" They whisper, taunting me. But, alas, I couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself put a tomato on my burger.

Why can't they leave me alone? Why can't I just be satisfied to not like them? There are other foods that I HATE and am totally content to NEVER like. Cantalope for example. I find that equally as disgusting as raw tomatoes and if somehow all the cantalope in the world were obliterated, I could die a happy woman. But those tomatoes have it in for me, I swear.

Do ya think there's like, I dunno, hypnosis or accupuncture for something like this?? I could go and in one session be in tomato heaven??

You're wondering why the heck I'm even blogging about tomatoes of all things, I can tell. Because I can, that's why. And between seriously bruising my arm and being sick I haven't left the house much the past week and I really don't have anything else to say!

I have to wonder sometimes...

if the universe does not want me to stay fat. Seriously. Last week I decided to embark on this healthy eating journey, planning meals and everything and I was really confident that I could really do it this time. (This all sparked by my neighbor telling me about her gastric bypass surgery experience, but that's another story for another time...)

But then the day before I started AF arrived. I did eat MUCH healthier, but trying to beat sugar cravings at that time of the month just wasn't gonna happen. Overall I was happy with how things were going, but it was not to last...

Ya know, I even was getting into working out. I was doing it every day, enjoying my "me" time while I was doing it, rocking out to my tunes while I blasted away on the elliptical trainer...and then I had to go and beat myself up so badly with the dang thing. So the exercise had to stop for a few days whilst I nursed my scrapes and bruises.

My arm still hurts, but I'm sure its going to be that way for a while. My open wounds have healed enough though that I thought I could push on and get back up on the horse (er, elliptical trainer.)

But now...*sigh*. Now I'm getting sick. My energy is zapped and my throat is hurting. Gah. If its not one thing, its another.

I know that's how life is, there's always going to be obstacles to overcome, I accept that...but do they ALL have to come in the first 2 weeks that I'm finally REALLY trying to be healthier???? It just doesn't seem fair.

Yesterday I did horrible...but today is another day. I will push on, but darnit, I just want to throw myself down on the floor and kick my legs and scream like R does when he's mad!!

Just a quick PSA from me to you...

Moving heavy, wheeled exercise equipment down a step onto concrete all by yourself is bad for your health. Three days later you might still look like this...

I know some of you out there have already learned this lesson from me, but for those who haven't...heed my warning.

This is why I haven't had much to say over the weekend, by the way, I've been off pouting about my wounds.

Chalking up another accomplishment to my list!

Remember that knit-a-long I was in....months ago. Well, I FINALLY have a finished product!!! My neck warmer is complete. It isn't really pretty and has lots of mistakes, but its done!

I knit way too tight in the middle so its kinda wonky, and near the end I kept starting and stopping at odd times so I'd forget if I was on the knit or purl side and got it wrong a couple times (you can't tell from the pic, but its not good, trust me.) But all in all not TOO shabby for a first big project.

Here it is laid out.

And buttoned up.

And in action. Please try to ignore my hideous face, its 11:20 pm in this pic.

Don't you love those stellar parenting moments?

You know the ones when your child does or says something that you know they learned from you (or your spouse/significant other) that are just SO not appropriate for their little body. These things that you do/say often and yet you are shocked to hear them from your precious little one. (Denial is powerful thing.) And yet as shocked as you are you can hardly contain your laughter because it just sounds so cute and so wrong coming from them. They are also the things that by the time your child has picked up on it and decided to use/do it themselves...its too late. You can't take your actions back or change your ways, the damage has been done.

My 2 year old has a new favorite word. Well, technically its two words, so I guess its a favorite phrase. I remember my oldest also taking a fancy to this particular phrase as well, so I guess we didn't learn much as parents in the past few years. Actually I remember him near the same age laying on the floor of my bedroom yelling these two words at the top of his lungs over and over again for no particular reason. I don't really recall my middle child being so attuned to these two words. I know he's used them, but never taken such a liking to them as the others. But my daughter, from the first time she uttered these two little words she used them in exactly the appropriate way with the appropriate intonation in her voice. And all the times she's used them since it has been with the same precision.

So I guess I need to add another item to my New Year's list (and C, I know you're reading this, so you too!)...

#6. Stop swearing around (and at *blush*) my children.

UPDATE: Ok, so I purposely left out the words she said in case it might offend someone that I/we apparently use these words way more often than we should, LOL. (And considering a pretty big belief in our family, shouldn't say one of them at all.) But since people are wondering...check the comments section and I'll fill ya in!

Well I suppose its that time again...

Time to think of my goals for 2009. Still not making any resolutions this year. But hey, by not making them last year I ended up accomplishing about half-ish of the goals I set for myself. Not too bad.

So, without further ado...

1. Establish a regular exercise routine. So, obviously "lose weight" and even "not gain more weight" just isn't working for me. So, lets be more specific here. I want to make exercise a consistent and regular part of my life. Not just something I do for a few days and then nothing for weeks. So, for now my goal is 4 times a week. If I can manage that I'll add more, but for now...just 4 times a week, EVERY week!

2. Eat more fruits and veggies. I admittedly am terrible about this. I blame my mom. LOL. No but seriously... She's always been a super picky eater about a lot of things. And I'm sure I picked up on that as a child because I am also pretty darn picky. I'm sure I didn't eat a lot of fruits & veggies when I was a kid because I either didn't like them or didn't think I liked them. And of course, the older we get the more set in our ways we get. I've definitely expanded my culinary horizons in recent years...but it needs to go further. I either have to learn to like fruits and veggies or learn to suck it up and eat them even if I don't!

3. Pay more attention to my kids and less to the computer. I said I was going to do this last year and I did make some improvements, but still more can be done.

4. Drink more water. Something else I've been seriously lacking in. Many times I'll go all day without having one drop of water. Not good. Going to try to drink at least 80 oz a day.

5. Establish a regular housekeeping routine. So last year I vowed to keep it clean for more than a week and I did, woot! But now it needs to go further. I was doing well on a schedule when we first moved and I'd like to get back to that and keep it up!

Happy New Year everyone!

Most of 2008 was kinda sucky for us. It ended well, so I'm hoping this is a trend and things will continue to go well. We certainly could use things going our way for more than a couple months. Of course the whole country could pretty much deal with life getting better, so... I wish you and your families nothing but health and happiness and prosper in 2009!!