My new favorite song!

There is a band that is brand new to the country music scene, so new that many people haven't heard of them yet. Their name is Gloriana and they are totally awesome!! From the first time I heard their song "Wild At Heart" I was hooked. I didn't know who sang it or anything about it, but I wanted to hear it again...and again and again and again. I wanted to share since I know some of you out there are country music fans.

Well I'm technologically challenged and can't seem to get the video link thing to work...so just click HERE!

Lucky me!

So a couple days ago someone from Africa wanted to send me money. And today...well today I've won the amount of six hundred thousand pounds from Toyota!!

Although, I'm not entirely sure if that's pounds of money, or how much the vehicle they are going to give me weighs, or an excessive addition to my ass. Hmm, not sure I can take my chances on that last one, think I'll have to pass...

Will the real Amanda please stand up?

I've come to the conclusion that I am an imposter. I might be able to fool people into thinking I'm a normal, everyday person...but really I'm not.

You see, I've been thinking a lot lately about where I've been and where I'd like to do with my life. And the truth is, I haven't got a clue. When I was a kid I thought I had it all figured out. I was going to be a doctor and that was all there was too it. I was smart and a hard worker and everyone around me knew it, seemed like all was meant to be. Obviously, it wasn't. Well then what??

Everything I've done since then just hasn't really worked out. I was a toddler/preschool teacher. I worked at Curves for Women for a short while. I tried being a doula. But the thing is, while I enjoyed doing those things while I was doing them, I felt like I didn't really belong. I felt like someone pretending to be a good teacher, masquerading as an exercise motivator/information giver, sounding like I knew a lot about birthing a baby...but really underneath it all I didn't know anything. I put on a good act, but I don't feel like I was really any good at any of those things.

Maybe my subconscious knows something I don't, maybe it knows that I wasn't meant to do any of those things and its just waiting for the right thing to come along. Or maybe my early years of being "the smart kid" were just a tease and I am truly meant to be mediocre at everything I do.

That seems more likely, because really I'm not very good at anything I do anymore, and haven't been for a long time now.

I'm a mom. Ok, so I don't totally suck at it, my kids are not physically abused or locked up in a closet or anything. I do feed them and bathe them (sometimes) and clothe them and let them live when they are really irritating me, but I'm definitely not good at it. I definitely don't live up to the expectations I had of myself prior to having children. See, I ignore my kids way too much. I yell way too much. I let them entertain themselves instead of finding fun and interesting activities for us to do. I say no way too often just because saying yes would mean stopping whatever it is I am doing and that annoys me. I'm irritated by them more often than I enjoy being with them. I could go on and on...

I'm a wife. I don't do too well with this role either. The explaination for this could go on forever too, but basically it comes down to me having too little patience and too much selfishness.

I'm a housekeeper. Uh, I don't think I really need to explain this further. Regular readers will know that I actually DO suck at that. Sure I could be worse, but I'm not too far from the bottom.

And that's pretty much all I am. There's a whole list of things that I am NOT (including but not limited to...I don't have friends, hobbies, or a job) and by virtue of not having them, I am not good at them either.

Oooh, wait, I just thought of something I'm good at. Actually, this is something I'm great at...I'm great at being fat! Of course that's how it would go, me being good at something that totally sucks.

Where does one go from here? How do you get to be the age I am and have absolutely no idea who you are? Sure I'm *only* 31 years old, its not like I've got one foot in the grave (er, well maybe I do considering the one thing I'm great at). BUT, I'm *31* years old, I'm fully an adult now, why am I still clueless?

I know you might be thinking, "oh, it can't really be THAT bad, you must be embellishing here." No, its really that bad, I am completely clueless. For example, on any given weekend, or really on every weekend C will ask me something like "what do you want to do today?" or "what would you like to go eat for dinner?" And my answer will ALWAYS be "I don't know." And he gets all upset with me, but really, truly, honestly I DON'T KNOW. It's like my brain shuts down and I cannot form an opinion of my own no matter how hard I try. If he presses me or I try to push myself to choose something I get very irritated and agitated, I just can't do it, it causes me too much stress.

Maybe I have some sort of degenerative brain disease. No seriously, maybe I do.

Don't laugh at me, I can hear you.

There has to be some good explaination other than the fact that the fates just hate me.

Do people really fall for this?

I'm just so happy that there are people in West Africa that are wanting to send me millions of dollars via FedEx, as long as I pay a few thousand for the delivery & security fee. Their continent is riddled with poverty and disease...and yet they want little 'ol me to have their money. Isn't that nice?

Can you imagine how much money I'd have today if I'd responded to every one of these emails I'd ever gotten over the years?? Certainly I'd be the richest person in the world. How silly of me to keep deleting them!

Is this scam EVER going to die?? Is anyone actually falling for it anymore to make it worthwhile to even send?? I'd like to meet someone who has perpetrated this scam, or better yet someone who's fallen for it. Not for any particular reason, just to say I did it...cuz you know the world is full of idiots, but these people would have to be the cream of the crop. Wouldn't that be fun to tell people, that you actually met some of the best idiots in the world??

The kid cracks me up...

So Sunday night we are sitting at the table eating dinner, we've already mentioned to the boys that we are going to take showers and get to bed on time since they've had a week off of school and need to get back into our routine, yadda, yadda, yadda...and this conversation occurs somewhat later, not actually during the return to school discussion. So its a little out of the blue...

R: Do we get new grades?

Me: *scratches head* What do you mean?

R: I mean, do we get new grades?

Me: Thanks for that clarification, well you are always getting graded on stuff, so yeah, there's always new grades, and after you finish a grade in school you go up one, so.... Yes, you get new grades.

R: Buuuutttt!!!!

Me: Still confused...

R: Apparently is not satisfied with that answer, so replies in a very matter of fact tone... Ok, lets try this again. Do we get new grades?

C busts out laughing. Everyone else starts laughing. R thinks he's hilarious.

And this is why we let him live, he's got to be the most difficult kid to live with, but he's so darn adorable JUST often enough that we keep him around to see what he'll do next!

Yeah, I changed it again...

The background that is. I can't help myself, I get bored easily. Plus I was really annoyed by those flower thingys on the side of the last background being in the way of the text.

I haven't been around to post anything for the past week. I was busy cleaning and decluttering for C's mom, grandma, and aunt to come visit. I knew they wouldn't be here much, but I like to make it at least appear that I clean occasionally when people come to my house. Then there was their visit that was, uh, let's just say less than ideal. Yesterday took a trip to the beach and then had a nap that was so, so, so nice!

So, just in case you missed me, that's where I've been.

My sleep has been tormented this week...

...tormented by animals and their annoying noises.

First it was the dog. I was having this dream in which I started out all Indiana Jones going over these 3 waterfalls. Then ended up in this shack with Jack and Juliette and Sawyer from Lost. Who wants to be interrupted whilst dreaming of Josh Holloway??? But then I kept hearing this dog whine and whimper. In my dream the dog was in the shack with us in a crate. Everyone kept yelling at the dog to shut up, but it just wouldn't quit. I remember getting more and more irritated at this dog, and yet nobody would do anything about it. Then I woke up and realized that it was MY dog that was being so vocal. This dog has done plenty of annoying things, but dragging me out of sleep and away from Sawyer...well now she's just gone too far!!

Then last night I was dreaming that some kid was staying overnight with us. This kid came to our house upon his bike. Somehow the bike ended up in the bedroom with this kid and my oldest son. On this bike was some device that made a very loud chirping/beeping sound whenever the back tire moved. I start hearing this sound, knowing the boys were supposed to be asleep I charge into the bedroom and find my son messing with the bike. I unleash my wrath upon him and think its over. But then I hear it again. This time, its the kid. I remove the bike and put it outside the bedroom. And I hear the sound again. And again, and again. Move the bike outside. And I keep. hearing. the. sound. Somehow I think something must be vibrating the ground making it go off, so I turn it upside down. No idea why I think that would make any difference... And the flipping sound keeps going! By this time I am absolutely livid and going completely out of my mind because of this noise that won't go away. Again I am suddenly woken up. It takes a few moments for me to realize...I am hearing a really loud chirping noise that keeps going and going and going and going...

I look at the clock, its about 2:30 am, I wake up C and ask him "what is that sound???" He reluctantly gets up and looks out the window. He beats on the wall and it stops. He says "there's a bat on our house" like its a common occurence. A what??? Lets put aside the idea of bats on or in my house freaking me out. Why would it be making THAT racket, WTH, is the thing dying?

He gets back in bed. And of course, the noise starts AGAIN. So he gets dressed, arms himself with a flashlight and a tennis ball and heads out to check it out. We hear this screech and he ducks and is looking around like something is about to dive bomb him. He couldn't see what was on the house, so he chucks the ball at it.

And out flys this huge white bird. Neither of us could really tell what it was, but we're assuming maybe it was an owl. Until we were finally able to sleep again we could occasionally hear, very faintly, the thing making its horrible noise at someone else's house. I don't know what would possess an animal to do that, unless it was trying to annoy the shit out of the screeching bird to get it to go away. But seriously, do that at someone else's house, next time we might throw something a lot bigger than a tennis ball!

The dream state is an interesting thing... You know, my kids can make a noise during the night when I'm asleep and I instantly wake up, whether I'm dreaming or not. But some non-stop annoying animal makes a noise, and I incorporate it into my dream.

Just popping in...

to say HI! I'm here, I'm alive, just don't have much to say lately I guess. I've just been here with the laundry and the dishes and homework, nothing exciting or interesting really going on. I'm not good at "small talk" either, I can't just start talking about something out of the blue like some people can. So I sit and stare at the screen willing something, anything to pop in my head. But my head is empty. Or anything I come up with I decide is stupid and nobody will care. Granted, that hasn't stopped me before, and frankly just about everything I post is kinda stupid and I really doubt anyone will care. But now I feel the need to spare you, my readers, from my boring babbling.

Its a good thing I'm well acquainted with Star Wars...

So today I sit at the table preparing to go through the mail. The boys had just gotten home from school. R puts down his backpack and starts telling me in an excited tone about the item his friend Daniel chose to bring to "sharing time" today. I'm not sure if he was just talking too fast or if it was just a slip of the tongue or if my ears weren't working correctly, but this is what I heard...

R: "Mom, mom, Daniel brought a really big Genital Grievous for his share today!"

Wait, what??

First graders, show and tell time, and genitals really, really don't seem to fit...

Thankfully I knew that he was indeed referring to GENERAL Grievous. Whom I don't think actually has any genitals.

Phew.

Random thoughts...

I haven't been inspired by any particular topic lately enough to warrant a blog post about it. But I was getting sick of looking at the same old thing. Plus football is over and as I'm sure you can guess I couldn't be more disgusted with the results and couldn't be more grateful that I do not live in Pittsburgh today. (Their schools were delayed 2 hours today cuz they thought too many kids would be absent from partying so late. *insert eye roll* This, however, does not surprise me in the least.)

So instead here's a variety of - stuff.

I got a bread maker today. *insert happy dance* I've been wanting to make my own bread for a long time now. Of course I know I COULD do it by hand......but......yeah, you probably know me well enough to know that THAT wasn't going to happen. I was so excited I got a loaf baking as soon as I could! I seriously need a life when I get happy about bread. I thought about getting a good bread knife to go along with it, um, $60???? Really?? I'm totally no expert on cutlery, but I was shocked. That's more than the entire set of my "Miracle Blade" knives cost. Go ahead and cringe, but they are pretty darn good knives for that price.

Ooh, another thing I'm totally excited about and all my Facebook peeps out there already know, but I'm gonna say it again cuz I'M TOTALLY EXCITED!!!! C & I are going to a Rascal Flatts concert in March!!! I love, love, love, love, LOVE Rascal Flatts and I haven't been to a concert in years and years and years and years and years. I can't wait!! I just hope we get the tickets in time. They are being shipped to my mom's house because that's the mailing address of the credit card we used (didn't realize that beforehand otherwise we would have tried just using our address instead.) Anyway...you'll probably see me in the news because I went completely postal on the Ticketmaster people if my parents don't get them in time to mail them to us.

Speaking of Facebook, I just realized I haven't updated our family picture album website in like 5 months because I spend so much time on Facebook. I blame C, its his fault. I had an account for ever but never used it. It confuzzled me. I felt totally Facebook stupid. But C signed up somehow and he kept bugging me to use mine. I resisted for a while, but finally gave in. And now I have yet another addiction. I'm not the only one, this seems to be a raging problem all over the country. Anyway...back to the whole website problem. I went to look at it just now, I hardly recognize my kids. Its amazing how much they change in such a short amount of time. I was thinking I should really sit down and fix it up. But then I'd either have to take time away from my kids or time away from Facebook...uh, sorry kids.

I have a problem that I'm going to confess to you all. I HATE folding and putting away my kids laundry. I have on more than one occasion left their clothes in the laundry basket so long that there was hardly anything left in it. Last Friday I did 4 loads of laundry (none of which were kids clothes)...washed, dried, and put them all away. And yet I left the basket of my boys clothes sitting in the garage. The basket that had been full of clean clothes since, oh, Monday or Tuesday. (That's LAST Monday or Tuesday.) Today E asked me why I just couldn't bring the basket in the house so he didn't have to go into the garage in the cold in the morning to get dressed. Yeah, its still in the garage. I don't know why I avoid this chore so extremely, I guess because there are JUST. SO. MANY. of them, I just can't bring myself to do it. I literally have to force myself. Imagine me laying on the floor kicking my feet and pounding my fists and screaming my head off...that's what I go through in my head before I get up and do it. When I am in the process of it I feel like this huge weight is sitting on me. I feel exhausted and completely overwhelmed. There's just *something* about it that I cannot deal with.