I was...

I was going to come here and write something yesterday.  It really seemed like a good idea at the time.  But then it slipped my mind amongst all the other things I was doing.  I just remembered a few minutes ago, oh yeah, I was going to write a post!  But....but....what in the heck was I going to write about??

I have no idea.  Guess it wasn't all that important after all.

Today should be an equally exciting and boring day.  I am going to the taping of the Biggest Loser finale!!!!!  (That's the exciting part!!!)  Of course that will entail approximately 5 hours of driving and likely a couple more hours worth of waiting around.  (That's the boring part, if you couldn't tell.)

Bummed that I can't take any pictures to show you, but hopefully there will be something fun to tell you.

Resistance Is Futile

I think I've been approaching my life all wrong.  I've been fighting against so many things because I never saw myself as THIS person that I am.  But resistance really is futile, it's not getting me anywhere, hasn't been for a very long time now.  It's time to look at things in a whole new light.  Maybe what I am living really IS my destiny and I need to start embracing it.

For example...  Growing up I was never an organized, neat person.  My room was always a mess, you could hardly walk though it.  That was the only way I could find anything, if I put stuff away I never remembered where it was.  But now, being a stay at home mom with 3 kids, my life revolves around making things neat or clean or organized.  I NEVER wanted to be that person.  Yes I did want to stay home with my kids, but all the other stuff...heck no!  I wanted to be a mom, not a maid.  Apparently nobody ever told me they were one and the same. 

I've been telling myself for years that I hate to clean and cook and do laundry and dishes and grocery shop.  I sit and look at how awful the house looks, but because I truly believe that I dislike (with every bone in my body) the activities that would fix it, I end up doing nothing.  Hiding away from it with one excuse after another.  Then things stay awful, and I stay stressed and miserable. 

But maybe that story I've been telling myself is a lie.  Maybe I actually AM destined to spend my days making things clean.  Maybe I COULD actually get joy and satisfaction out of being a homemaker if I were to just stop fighting against it. 

Clearly no other person in this family values it like I do.  Nobody else can be bothered to pick up their crap or scrub a toilet.  It's like torture to them.  There's always something else for them to do that is more important than the dishes or the laundry.  I am the only person bothered by the mess around here.  So maybe that is a huge cosmic sign to just embrace it.  Maybe for me REALLY living is to dive into doing all this stuff with happiness.

Nothing (and I really mean NOTHING) that I've ever tried as far as a career path has worked out for me.  Maybe that's because I'm not meant to do anything other than what I am right now.  Seriously, the most successful job I've ever held has been...um...probably scooping ice cream at Baskin Robbins when I was 15.  I've always thought I was meant for more than retail or food jobs.  Even being a toddler/preschool teacher never really felt like the right fit, I loved the kids, but somehow I always felt uncomfortable. 

So I'm going to really try hard to stop thinking about who I thought I was going to be and focus on the life that is happening while I'm being who I actually am. 

I may be back here in a week posting that I was right originally and this life is completely wrong and I do actually hate cleaning up after everyone.  Just a warning...

I am alive, but not fully functioning

This was another week of pretty much nothing happening or getting accomplished.  My neck strain or whatever it is has still been bothering me...A LOT.  And it was re-injured on Wednesday night by several middle of the night coughing fits, so my head is just all full of irritation about being in constant pain.

The whole week has kinda of been one big dysfunction for me.  I've been irritated like 24/7, people are annoying me left and right.  I've avoided writing anything so I didn't sound like a huge beotch, but in celebration of Friday I'll let you hear it today.  I know you're thanking me, but just maybe it'll make you feel better about your week.

My children keep bugging me about having playdates with their friends.  Why must they choose THE most irritating kids to want to play with?  R's friend is a messed up kid.  His mom died (not sure when exactly) and I'm sure he has a lot of issues that go along with that.  But while I sympathize, it doesn't make me like him any more.  E and this kid are always arguing, this kid is always lying about giving them Lego guys that he never intended to give away, he hit R in the head today (and yet R still asked me about a playdate.)  Ugh.  E's friend?  Well, there's nothing nice I have to say about that kid.  He also has a questionable family life, supposedly his dad died but I'm not sure if that's true, I do know his mom is remarried.  He has influenced E to do so many inappropriate things, clearly he is exposed to and allowed to do things that are well beyond what happens in our home.  Because of this kid E has gotten in trouble at school and at home MANY times.  And no matter what we say, this kid is more important to E than anything else.

Why can't my children pick nice, normal kids to be friends with?  Is that too much to ask?  E's friend is moving in a few weeks at least, I am forever grateful to the U.S. military for moving these people across the country.  Is it bad to say that?  It probably is.  But the thing is, I don't much care, that's how much I dislike this kid. 

Also supremely irritated at R's teacher this week.  I admit, I am totally grouchy this week.  The pain in my neck is making me very crabby and totally not in the mood to deal with anybody's crap.  But this lady and her indirect ways of commenting on R's unfinished work just hit me the wrong way.  She's been no help to him at all this year and if she's got a problem with how he's been doing then she needs to come out and just say it.  I can't help if I have no idea what is going on.

My MIL isn't at the top of my list either.  She wants E to come spend the summer with her.  She was planning on getting his plane ticket and all that.  We've been waiting to hear if she'd made the reservations yet.  Yesterday I get an email from her complaining about all that she's had to do at work and asking if I could arrange for the plane ticket for her.  Yeah, because I have nothing better to do.  The thing is, you can't buy a ticket for an unaccompanied minor on an online site.  So I can't really search for the cheapest priced airline very well.  I'm going to have to call the airline(s)...which is a big problem for me because of my whole despising using the phone with people I don't know thing.  (Oh, you didn't know about that?  I'll save that story for another day.)  So I either just pick one and not care about the price, or have to call around to several causing even more angst for myself.  The only good thing I get out of it is sending my son away for 2 months.  Oh crap, um, did I just say that out loud?  Dang...

I know there were a lot of other instances of irritation this week, those are just the main ones.  I will again hope to be back to regularly scheduled programming next week, but clearly I can't promise anything!

Happy Anniversary to us!

C & I have been married 11 years today!  I feel like I'm in some sort of time warp lately, because it seems like only a couple months ago I was writing about R turning 7 and C & I's 10th anniversary.  And yet, here it is a whole year later.  I thought 2010 was going by fast, but the entire past year has just flown by.

I'm still sick, and as a result my house is a wreck.  I'm hoping to feel more like I belong in the land of the living by next week and return the house to it's usual state of disarray instead of the massive one it's in now.  My coughing is better, my throat is slooooowly getting less sore, and my energy has returned a bit...so I'm hopeful.  However, the muscle strain in my neck that I got and was made worse by a horrendous coughing fit ISN'T getting any better.  Between my throat and my neck I'm really over being in continuous pain.

Happy Birthday to you!

R turns 8 years old today!!  So hard to believe how fast time flies, wasn't he JUST that chubby baby who scooted around on his butt instead of crawling?  Hope you have a great day today buddy!

If only we could know why they think what they think

I've been sick and haven't really had anything to say for several days.  But this morning a conversation occured in my kitchen that was too funny not to mention.  My oldest child, E, is going to Texas to spend the summer with his grandma after school gets out.  We've talked about this as a family a few times, haven't made a secret out of it or anything, E has certainly mentioned it often.

So this morning E is saying something about it again and all of a sudden my middle child, R, catches on.  Like he finally understands what we've been discussing all along, and once he realizes that E is actually spending all summer with grandma he starts whining and yelling and crying things like "Nooooo, no you're not!" and "That's NOT FAIR!!!"  He spent a good 3 minutes agonizing over the injustice of his brother visiting grandma for the whole summer and him having to stay home.

And then?  Well then the wheels began to turn in his crazy mixed up little mind.  As suddenly as the whining started, a switch was flipped and he really got the message.

Now he says to his brother with excitement in his eyes..."That means you're not going to be here!"  And the smile returns to his face.

Ahhhh, can't get enough of that brotherly love.

Inappropriate parenting?

My almost 8 year old has a new favorite song.  A song that uses a phrase many, many times that contains a word that most parents would discourage their youngsters from using.  I'm not sure if he likes it because of that word and he can get away with saying it because it's in a song and he's singing it....or if he likes it just because it's a song with a catchy beat that gets stuck in your head. 

But he loves it, and it probably doesn't help that I'll play it for him pretty much whenever he asks.  *blush*  My bad.  So I encourage my kids to use bad words for the sake of music...they're gonna learn it someday, right?  Might as well be under my supervision.  No?  Probably not, but it's kinda late now, oh well.

The song.